I’ve gotta change how I’m doing this. I’m not getting enough sleep at night so waking up early for TMM is making my day a lot harder.

I’m thinking about moving the affirmations part to when I am in the shower.

Removing the exercise and committing to getting that done during the day.

Not sure about reading.

So tired these days.

I think it’s tired. And not depressed.

Getting a little stressed about the greenhorn spiel. We still need door prizes.

I’m happy it’s Friday today.

I fell asleep while reading yesterday morning and slept for about an hour… then slept again in the middle of the day for a good two hours… and went to bed early. I’m not sure if I’m coming down with something, or if my depression’s being super stupid these days.

Yesterday’s social glue discussion was about Productivity. Something that I find I used to be good with, but have lost practice with. I need to work on a couple of core ideas:

– getting rid of distractions (ie facebook when I’m working, etc)
– not dropping everything everything to address emails as they come in
– implementing sprints again (where I have a set amount of time and focus on getting as much done then)

This last post is kind of related to the co-working session that I had with the social glue people on Tuesday. It felt… a lot easier to work when I told myself that I had a set amount of time to get one task done.

I desperately need to go and get a blood test done. I was supposed to do that last week. Need ferritin levels checked. Hopefully (HOPEFULLY!) they’ll be normal and I won’t need another phlebotomy for a while. I had dreams of getting lost in the hospital while looking for the MDU to get my next phlebotomy done. And then stealing a peanut butter cookie while I was lost.

Finally got a difficult website live. I can’t believe how difficult this web host was to transfer the site to. First – the hosting package was so old that it didn’t have MySQL on it, even though the description of the package said it was included. Then – the host wouldn’t allow me to clone the site into the new environment like I do with other hosts. Next – the code to bring in a featured image no longer worked on this host for some reason. Lastly – the caching is all over the place, and I had to clear my cache multiple times to make sure I was seeing the up-to-date information in the backend. I’ve had to clear my cache for the front end on multiple mornings, but never had to in the back end to see which plugins were active on multiple occasions within the span of 10 minutes.

LinkedIn Visibility update: usually I would get one profile view every few weeks. Since I’ve started commenting daily, updating status twice a week, and writing an article once a week, I’ve gotten 15 profile views. Not a massive amount, but better than nothing. Now I just have to work on what exactly helps get the most people interacting with my posts.

Visibility update: before starting the whole “visibility on LinkedIn” experiment, I had one profile view every 3 weeks or so. Within the past week, I have had 15 views. Mostly from my own circle, but it’s a start. It’s actually an encouraging start.

Emily Ley’s A Simplified Life is one of the prettiest books I have ever owned. The photos, the typography, the page layout, the quality of paper. I am grateful for books like this. And I’m wondering how I can apply what it talks about to my own life. Quite frankly, the idea of purging stuff I own that I don’t use anymore terrifies me.

I get to go onsite to a client’s location today to help her view her website. I’m really hoping that we can push this site live this week – it’s going to really bring her business to the next level, and it will be a great one for the portfolio.

Someone used a phrase I suggested in a comment of a facebook group to describe a product they’re selling! This makes me giddy!

I finally feel caught up after being sick last week. I ended up working for part of the weekend, and late last night, but I am finally feeling caught up. It’s… a relief. And makes me feel a lot less anxious.

Anxiety out of control. Depression out of control. Keep telling myself that I am worthy. I am loved. I am confident. And everything will work out because everything always works out.

Moving on.

Frustrated with one situation with a client’s website. They’re having issues with one of Foundation’s off-canvas sidebars always appearing above the website content. I cannot for the life of me reproduce the issue, and client isn’t tech savvy enough to install a program that would allow me to view the website. What if I added a visible for small only class to it so that it’s hidden for everything but mobile devices? That might work. Fingers crossed.

We’ve been given approval to move a weebly site over to WordPress. Long-time client that we’ve been working with on keeping their website up-to-date. This will allow us to make updates so much speedier and to do some of the applications and changes that the client has wanted but that we haven’t been able to do up until now. I’m extremely excited about this.

I am confident. I am worthy. I am loved. People don’t hate me. I’m not a bother. I will succeed. And everything will work out okay.

Yesterday morning’s writing was done on LinkedIn.

I’m starting to actually see benefits of some of the things I’m doing in mornings. Especially with the affirmations, which surprises me. I’m more confident. Less anxious. A lot less anxious. Like, when I went to a networking event on Wednesday evening, I wasn’t anxious. And normally I would be terrified.

Networking event went okay. Not really any leads per se, but it’ll be good to continue going there to build my personal network in case anyone knows anyone who needs our services. And because being social is important and the more social I am, the less anxious I am in social situations.

I’m going to be creating an opt-in for my newsletter – the non-developers guide to a more accessible website. Or something like that. Not sure about the title yet. But it’ll include 10 tips I think. Yeah, I think that’s good. And it goes hand in hand with the workbook idea as far as target market goes. People who are DIYing their own business websites, so we can foster that relationship until it grows to a point where they need someone else to help or take over.

I adore my therapist. I don’t know what I would do without her. She helps me understand things, and helps me work my way through things. It’s unusual to leave an appointment with her without feeling a thousand times better about something.

Yesterday, she helped me work my way though feeling frustrated and angry at how the self-help books I’ve read recently portray depression – as something you can just power through, as something that just causes you to make excuses.

If it were only that simple.

My therapist helped remind me that there is situational depression, which may be helped partially through some of the positive behavioural habits that these self-help gurus wax poetical about. But that there’s also the depression that is the chemical imbalance in one’s head, that does require medication to help regulate.

She put it some way that I don’t normally think about – people understand that those who have diabetes need insulin to make their bodies work properly, it’s similar with depression. I’m not putting it as eloquently as she did, but that’s the main gist of it.

For a long time I struggled with accepting that I needed medication, even as I was taking it. It was hard to come to grips with the fact that I needed help to feel normal. Sometimes I still struggle with that. I never really looked at it from the perspective that people with other physical medical issues also need daily medication.

I am so grateful for my therapist. She helps me understand things.

Okay. I didn’t get up early to do The Miracle Morning over the weekend, but I’m okay with that. I shouldn’t feel guilty like I do.

I’m grateful for James and Corina. Sometimes I feel like Corina’s one of my few female friends around, and I’m so grateful that I have someone in my life who understands me.

I reached out to someone I used to curl with yesterday. I’ve always wanted to be her friend, but didn’t know her well enough.

I’ve been working on my LinkedIn Strategy and becoming more visible. I’m a little unsure whether it’ll work, because I don’t know that social network very well but I think it’s going to be okay. I’ve got a plan, I just hope it doesn’t take up too much time. Actually, I think that’s my biggest worry – that it will take up too much time. So since I’m planning on my first post to the network to be today, I’ll spend a bit of time this afternoon drafting exactly what I want to say on there; I think I’ll need to work on that the day before, since the best times to post are early in the mornings. Tuesday’s will always be easy, because those posts will be about the previous week’s blog content. It’ll be the two Thursday posts that will be more difficult… one status update, and one article. I’m a little worried I’m getting in over my head.

I ended up taking a mental health day yesterday. I haven’t done that in a very long time, but needed some serious self-care. I ended up spending most of the day sleeping, and today I am feeling more refreshed.

One thing I’ve committed to for my social glue power pod is to learn LinkedIn. I know it’s where most of my larger current clients spend their time, so I need to learn how to master it to help gain visibility with additional potential clients. I’m going to be spending some time over the next couple of days coming up with a strategy on how to best use that networking platform.

My depression is pretty overwhelming this week. I’m chalking it up to getting used to the new time I’m getting up in the morning. I hope that’s what it is. If not, I’ve got to figure out what I can do to keep it at bay.

John & I are helping organize the greenhorn spiel at the curling club. It’s going to be a major step out of my comfort zone, because we’re in charge of prizes and potentially sponsors. Eek. I don’t know how to ask companies to donate prizes. I don’t know what I’m going to do about that.

My time doing visualization has evolved to a more goal-setting activity for the day, coming up with a plan of attack and a to-do list. I feel this is more effective as it prepares me to start my day and I can begin knowing exactly what I want and need to accomplish.

I’ve been reading The Big Plan for the Creative Mind by Dannie Fountain and Reina Pomeroy, and it’s really helping me recognize how important goal setting is, that specific goal setting techniques don’t work for everyone, and that it’s still important to be flexible with goals. Flexibility is my problem – the evolution and adjustment of goals, and letting go of ones when your direction in life and business changes.

Getting up in the morning is getting easier. I actually was able to get out of bed quickly today. I am finding that I’m getting A LOT more done in the mornings than I used to and that I feel like I actually have TIME.

Yesterday was better than Tuesday as far as mood, anxiety and depression goes.

Today, I am grateful for my curling friends. They’re not people I would normally connect with in real life. But they’re all awesome.

John and I are helping to plan a spiel for newbie curlers, and we are looking at prizes and potentially sponsors. I have a few ideas for people to approach, and I’m really thinking about creating a poster for a prize myself. That could be fun. I haven’t done anything artistic (other than websites or graphic design projects) in a long time.